I met a certain politician years ago. I observed that he studied name tags in the room and immediately called people by name. He made it to lieutenant governor in his state, so I’m sure this helped. Since then, I’ve tried to do this, too. It’s been said the sweetest words we can speak to other people are their names.
But I suggest among the sweetest phrases we can speak to others is a simple question, “What do you think about this?”
I was a graduate teaching assistant for several quarters while a student at Auburn University, and we were tasked with leading group discussion classes in the communication division.
A colleague gave me a copy of what was called “The Moon Walk” exercise that I began to use, and then resurrected for the 15 years I taught at Judson College. The exercise supposes a lunar exploration vehicle crashes and must return to the mother ship. The survivors choose the most important items to carry with them on their trek since they couldn’t carry everything. Participants in the exercise then numbered the 15 items in priority rank (hint: the oxygen tanks were number one).
Then I sent class members to groups of five or six to re-do the exercise together.
While they completed this task, I graded individual submissions by subtracting the correct number from their numbers whether positive or negative (“absolute value” in mathematical terms). So, as in golf, lower scores were better.
What we found is that the group decisions far outscored the individual decisions—almost invariably, since I remember only one time a group really stumbled and did more poorly.
This exercise demonstrated that group decisions are more accurate than individual decisions.
Or as the old motto states, “Two heads are better than one.”
One of my mentors in younger days was the late W.A. Criswell of Dallas. He taught pastors were the ultimate authority in decision-making. He called himself a “benevolent dictator.” I tried this as a young pastor with disastrous results. As George W. Bush used to say, “When I was young and foolish, I was young and foolish.”
Let me add that pastors must stand on moral issues without equivocation and take their hits, if need be. But on ancillary issues they will find involving others yields wiser courses of action and also yields group ownership. It becomes “our” idea, not “his” idea.
Thus, one of the sweetest phrases we speak is a question: “What do you think about this?” Other people may have better ideas to sharpen our own thinking and realize that we value their opinions.
Pastors and other church leaders cannot be autocratic, but must lead by conviction, example and love.
